19th Dec '11
The U.S clinic......
good afternoon,
welcome to this week's surgery.........
First off,great news re last week's testicle trauma,James has taken my advice seriously and immediately flown off to the french alps to get some sweet, mountain air circulating between those clammy clackers.Well done jim.Thanks also for the advice from Captain Graham Briggs on music selection for towelling(see last week).Captain Briggs recommended music by both Spandau Ballet and Level 42...advice that was passed onto James with both speedy, efficiency and miltary precision.Thank you Captain....Sir!
Dave,from Plymouth is having trouble with his top turns....he writes..
"I ALWAYS SEEM TO LOSE SPEED AT THE APEX OF MY TURN.ANY SUGGESTIONS?I CURRENTLY RIDE A FAIRLY STANDARD 6'3''?"
Well dave,like any physical pastime surfing involves preparation,practice,timing and a big enough piece of equipment......depending on your size 6'3'' sounds like a pretty small tool...The smaller your equipment ,the better you have to be with all the other aspects to perform at a high level ,or to put it another way,if you've got a big piece of equipment you can get away with murder.........
Anyway,try practicing holding the turn on the rail to maintain and increase speed,leading with your front arm and turning your head to the direction in which you wish to go.Hope this works ,if not try a bigger/wider/flatter board.
Finally, we have a rather cheeky letter from the mum of young Will Smith...gulfstream's alleged I T 'expert'.She writes "HELP MY 24 YEAR OLD SON IS BACK AT HOME LIVING AND I'M AFRAID HE'S FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF HIS FRIEND AND COLLEGUE AND WILL END UP IN HIS 40'S WITHOUT A PROPER JOB AND ONLY A DOG FOR COMPANY...PLEASE ADVISE HOW BEST TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO CHANGE HIS LIFESTYLE"
Firstly Mrs. Smith I think your letter is a bit harsh on Jools.He works really quite hard,though i admit a bit sporadically,and just to correct you he's got a cat not a dog.......................To be honest I think with role models like his Uncle Dave( and dare I say it ,your 'examples' of english grammar) he was doomed from an early age.
Please send your questions in to 'ask uncle scoot' in time for next week's christmas eve special.....
good afternoon,
welcome to this week's surgery.........
First off,great news re last week's testicle trauma,James has taken my advice seriously and immediately flown off to the french alps to get some sweet, mountain air circulating between those clammy clackers.Well done jim.Thanks also for the advice from Captain Graham Briggs on music selection for towelling(see last week).Captain Briggs recommended music by both Spandau Ballet and Level 42...advice that was passed onto James with both speedy, efficiency and miltary precision.Thank you Captain....Sir!
Dave,from Plymouth is having trouble with his top turns....he writes..
"I ALWAYS SEEM TO LOSE SPEED AT THE APEX OF MY TURN.ANY SUGGESTIONS?I CURRENTLY RIDE A FAIRLY STANDARD 6'3''?"
Well dave,like any physical pastime surfing involves preparation,practice,timing and a big enough piece of equipment......depending on your size 6'3'' sounds like a pretty small tool...The smaller your equipment ,the better you have to be with all the other aspects to perform at a high level ,or to put it another way,if you've got a big piece of equipment you can get away with murder.........
Anyway,try practicing holding the turn on the rail to maintain and increase speed,leading with your front arm and turning your head to the direction in which you wish to go.Hope this works ,if not try a bigger/wider/flatter board.
Finally, we have a rather cheeky letter from the mum of young Will Smith...gulfstream's alleged I T 'expert'.She writes "HELP MY 24 YEAR OLD SON IS BACK AT HOME LIVING AND I'M AFRAID HE'S FOLLOWING IN THE FOOTSTEPS OF HIS FRIEND AND COLLEGUE AND WILL END UP IN HIS 40'S WITHOUT A PROPER JOB AND ONLY A DOG FOR COMPANY...PLEASE ADVISE HOW BEST TO ENCOURAGE HIM TO CHANGE HIS LIFESTYLE"
Firstly Mrs. Smith I think your letter is a bit harsh on Jools.He works really quite hard,though i admit a bit sporadically,and just to correct you he's got a cat not a dog.......................To be honest I think with role models like his Uncle Dave( and dare I say it ,your 'examples' of english grammar) he was doomed from an early age.
Please send your questions in to 'ask uncle scoot' in time for next week's christmas eve special.....
Shaun Farnham
21st Dec '11
Dear Uncle Scoot, First off i feel i must congratulate you on your very humorous blog. Secondly I do need your help; I see fantastic videos of people like Tom Carrol do big figure of 8 roundhouse cutbacks, maintaining great drive and speed, any tips of how to keep this speed and fluidity going? I'm a 27 year old Irish surfer, and have been happy riding by 6'1'' shortboard for years....Look forward to some advice
Jerome Pauncefoot, Swimbridge Parish.
21st Dec '11
Dear Uncle Scrote,
As a dog lover, could you please outline the procedure for draining a canine anal gland. My lurcher appears to be suffering some irritation in his hind quarters, with persistent nibbling and licking. I suspect a swollen anal gland is the cause of his discomfort and what with the rising cost of vetinary bills, I would be most grateful for an answer.
Many thanks in anticipation,
Jerome Pauncefoot
20th Dec '11
Dear Uncle Scrote,
As a dog lover, could you please outline the procedure for draining a canine anal gland. My lurcher appears to be suffering some irritation in his hind quarters, with persistent nibbling and licking. I suspect a swollen anal gland is the cause of his discomfort and what with the rising cost of vetinary bills, I would be most grateful for an answer.
Many thanks in anticipation,
Jerome Pauncefoot, Swimbridge Parish.
Jools says:
19th Dec '11
Thankyou for putting Mrs Smith right, I do indeed have a cat.
ps Dave may like to concentrate on where he does his bottom turn. A decent top turn can only come from a decent bottom turn wouldn't you agree?
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