Uncle Scoot saves the world............

We have 2 questions this week,only one involving surfing........so I'll have a go at dealing with the other one first.
James Stentiford from Knowle has sent in a common problem for men in their forties..."I have the itchiest balls ever.Its not a problem ,but my girlfriend Penny doesn't like me scratching them in public.Any advice please?"
Well James I shall do my best to help with your clacker calamity/plum problem/testicular trouble......I think intially a long course of aeration is required, consequently get them out in the elements as much as possible especially if its windy.You need to keep them dry, as I imagine your main problem is moisture which no doubt is a combination of sweat and incorrect towelling after 'sport'.....
To towel correctly:
1.roll up towel.
2.hold at each end between legs.
3.lift up to testicle height.
4.put favourite 80s record on gramaphone(duranduran 'wild boys' is my choice)
5.move pelvis backwards and forwards keeping towel stationary
6.apply talcum powder liberally.

only wear loose fitting clothing for the next 2 weeks ,such as pyjamma trousers, playsuits, or baggy pleated skirts......
let me know how it goes and oh, avoid aeration near schools , the mums rather like it....

the next query is surfboard related and comes from Debbie Hands who not surprisingly has withheld her address.....anyway I digress......
'Dear uncle scoot, with the ever rising popularity of quad and twin fin fish .What does one have to ride to get the optimum float and drive from small waves?What are your thoughts on short wide thrusters?Hope you can help a lady in need....
First off let me say I love fish ,twins and quads....I think they're great for uk waves.The general template of our retro fish and speeddialler are both short and wide with very little rocker.Consequently,you don't need much 'push' from the wave to get them going.Combine this with the fins being all on the rail and every time you do a little wiggle or correction you get ever more speed....
Short wide thrusters tend to have less nose area and a bit more rocker ,so consequently don't have the natural glide of the more traditional fish and have to be ridden more off the tail.Because of this they're better in hollow ,more powerful small waves.........
In conclusion,debbie if you want a fish for saunton type waves go for the traditional twin or speedddialler, or if you what a small wave board for little days at somewhere like croyde, perhaps a short ,wide thruster, 'the fastback' is the way to go.....

Well, hopefully that's another couple of peoples' problems cleared up.Keep sending your questions in and tune in again next monday for another 'exciting' episode.......